Written by: Atif Chaudhari
A Negative Mind will never give you a Positive Life – Anonymous
Dear parents, our innocent kids are our precious assets. Our Creator built into them unending potential energy. A scientist already said,” Energy can neither be created nor be destroyed, But It can be transferred into multiple forms”. So, it is our moral responsibility to teach and train them in such a way that they are able to transfer their energy into the constructive way. We have to protect our children from the harmful activities through social media. Our children do not like old-fashioned face to face conversations since they spend too much of their valuable time in front of screens. They do not have opportunity and time to engage themselves in social situations. They do not know how to introduce themselves, eye contact, talk loud enough, and stand up straight. They should realize that the cyber activities cannot replicate human interaction. Sadly, the social media is badly affecting on the quality of human interactions. We, as parents, have to train our beloved kids that on-line relationships have less importance than face to face relationships. Now-a -days, our kids’ life initiates with the letter “I” not “WE” that means they prefer enough their isolate life(I) to social life(WE). We should let them know that the effective communication is when we can physically see, hear, and talk to another person.
No doubt, social media is an effective tool, fantastic way to keep in touch with their loved ones, but their children should be used in conjunction with face to face interactions, and not be used as sole or main method of connection with others. Today, it is easier to say “SKYPE ME” than going over to the friend’s houses. Parents should take responsibility to pick and drop to their kids, and allow their children to spend time with their well-behaved friends. Moreover, they should make their effective participation and active role model for their children. In my opinion, Mother’s lap is the preliminary institution for a child’s prerequisite knowledge and training. I read about the Holy Prophet of Islam named Muhammad(PBUH) who taught his followers that the Paradise is under mother’s feet. It is every child’s philosophy to follow the footsteps of his/her mother. So, the mother’s persistence patience, prayers and a proper guidance will definitely create paradise for her child. Paradise means; her children are the actual beacon of light and source of peace into the society. Now-a-days, we are seeing ill societies around the corners of the world due to deficiency of the teachings and training owe to the preliminary institution. As mothers spend their time with their kids, they are responsible for producing the future leaders of the nation. It is with a great regret that majority of the mothers changed their priorities of lives, and as a result their children became violent, impatient, and stubborn for the society. They became bullies who established Cyber Bullying that is centred on the break down of valuable human relationships.
Step by Step Anti Bullying Process to help The Kids who are victimized by the Bullies
Passive or shy people are at higher risk. They have always a fear of embarrassment or humiliation. Their elders do not listen to them and provide proper protection. They inform their parents about the bullies when they are really exhausted. It is the duty of their parents to fully understand and support them. They should always abide by the 3D step by step rules for supporting and teaching antibullying skills that will restore their children’s characteristics including self control, confidence, and to build resilience.
Step 1) Discover Your Kid’s Story:
- The parents should pay attention in the story of their kids.
- They should not have a volcanic nature against them
- They have to control their own emotions that means to stay calm and show a deep concern.
- They have to be a good listener that means to gather facts and sharing information.
- The parents have to be supportive; show their presence to be a problem solver for their kids, do not blame them and disappoint them.
- They should act like a journalist that means to be clear on facts, proper documentation, and record as much details as possible for them.
- They should be an enthusiastic and a motivated teacher, and do not act like rescuers for them.
- The parents should be a collaborator
Step 2) Discern Your Options:
- They should have to raise their children in such a way they can handle bumps, bruises, and to cope their unexpected life challenges.
- They should help their kids to find happiness even the situations that are not favourable for them.
- They want them to develop strong roots so that their wings will carry them successfully and independently into newly life horizons.
- They have to restore their self-esteem ability as well.
- The parents should have to teach their kids how to be resilient (bounce back their abilities) to bullying.
Characteristics of Resilient Children:
- Social ability
- Optimism (positive view of self future)
- Flexibility (Change in part of life)
- Achievement Orientation
- Community Engagement
- Insightfulness (understand well about human behaviours and uncertainties towards life)
- Perservance (never give up)
- Perspective (views crisis on challenges)
- Self Control (to manage strong feelings inside)
Six steps to teach life skills:
- Instruction: Teach them social, emotional, and thinking skills
- Modeling: The parents, as a role model, should show them how to use these skills.
- Discussion: Ask them that they used any of these skills.
- Role-Play: As a practice; they can assign roles into home made films based on the subject of Cyber Bullying. As a Film Director, they should coach or prompt the role players when needed.
- Feedback: There should be a constructive feedback. They should ask their children about the film and take their feed back about the performance of the individual characters involved into this short film.
- Own Work: Encourage their children to produce and direct their own film that will strengthen their abilities and skills to handle actual situations.
Anti Bullying steps:
- Teach adaptive coping strategies
- Positive self talk
- Deep breathing
- Better overcome life’s challenges
- Think, feel, and behave into stressful situations
- Write good letter to the bully people.
- CPR (charge your children’s confidence, Positivity, and Resilient)
- Ignore VERBAL STATEMENTS of bullies.
- Use FOGGING (Accept their negative comments)
- Firmly Hold hurt feelings and other emotional reactions in front of bullies
- Cool down (Counting 10, write bully’s words, and deep breath)
- Look Calm and Act Confidently.
- Confidence (Navigate world, think outside the box, Recover from life challenges, Strong body language, and No FEAR)
- Stand up tall with Head UP
- Do not Cry and Run OFF
- Look Straight into Bully’s EYES
- Keep Facial Expressions Neutral (Neither Sad Nor Anger)
- Speak up to Intimidate Bully
- Walk with Purpose (Relaxed way)
- Never Walk alone, and ALWAYS USE BUDDY SYSTEM
Step 3) Develop a PLAN of ACTION:
When parents are more involved into their children’s activities; children are 30% more successful into their Social, Emotional, and Thinking skills. The following actions are necessary taken by the parents for their victimized kids
- Involve Children (encourage them to share their emotions and feelings with you)
- Involving School
- Request Meeting with their Mentors
- Involving Authorities
- Communicate with Bully’s Parents